Doctor: «This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression». Patient: «Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?»

You can't fart happily with a sad ass...

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

the difference between Installation and Performance: "If you shat on the threshold in front of the door, ring the doorbell and run away, this is an installation. If you ring the doorbell first and then shat on the doorstep, it's a performance."

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Delusions of grandeur do not require grandeur. Delusions is enough..

You don't sleep all day, you don't eat all night, of course you get tired...

Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!